I’ve been spending a lot of time this fall urging our clients to spend more time on their stories so that readers of their appeals would be engaged enough to care enough to donate. One of the key tactics I’ve been talking about is to fill in the words that aren’t spoken—words that are emotional and serve to connect the details to the one man, woman, or child the story is about.
Before
A woman with keratomilensis was helped by our organization recently. She was unable to afford the surgery that could correct her vision. Then an ophthalmologist in the community stepped forward to help. He had received his training from our doctors. Now that the operation is over, the woman can see much better.
After
Renee is 37 and lives in a small town, La Ciudad, right outside of Tucson, Az. She is rather tall, with auburn hair, and always seems to be very busy. For someone who is virtually blind that’s quite a feat.
Renee is filled with sadness because she’s been in need of transplant surgery since she was a young girl. When she looks in the mirror in the morning what she sees is a face staring back at her that seems to be filled with steam or a soapy substance.
All Renee can see is very blurry images that are in black and white. One of her simple wishes is to be able to leave her house alone and drive her car – herself.
With your support, we have been able to create an international distinguished citizens program that teaches doctors from other countries to perform the exact surgery Renee needs. Her doctor, Dr. Jiminez, was the first recipient of the program. He decided he would offer one surgery to his impoverished community each year. He chose Renee for the first surgery.
Within a week of the surgery, she was able to see the faces of her seven and none-year-old little boys for the very first time.
Within a month, Renee was able to drive herself to her job. Today, she described getting into her car to take a drive as making her feel “free.”
As you can see by her photo, Renee’s smile now lights up her face. It’s the smile of love and gratitude she feels for having her sight restored.
Thank you for making the difference in Renee’s life. Your support has truly made an impact that she will never forget.
I guarantee you that if you spend more time on your stories, more time making your readers truly care, they will reward you with more support and more loyalty.